standing alone in the middle of the night
got the wind passed by making me realise
You won't come, you won't come.
But why i just keep standing in there?
believe that you will come, hug me and say sorry
Yes I feel cold and disappointed
I hold my jacket tighter.
But still feel the wind through my whole body.
Hours and hours passed
i feel my eyes become heavy.
i can't feel my body anymore
it becomes cold and my eyes closed slowly.
I dream and feel that someone running and come beside me.
Slightly hear the word stupid from his deep voice.
I think that i heard that voice before.
But my brain doesn't want to compromise with me.
I just felt someone pick me up with their tough and strong arms.
I felt sunlight through my eyes.
It hurts and make me close my eyes even tighter.
But someone keep calling my name
makes me open one of my small eyes
There, i see him staring at me
the one who i was waiting for hours.
I can't help but look at him
waiting for him explain the reason
why he makes me keep waiting?
Was he forgot his promise?
But he just keep quiet and say
"you neet to go now"
My eyes get teary
but i wont let them falling.
not in front of him.
i keep quiet and try to arrange my feelings.
I stand up with my lips closed.
Turn my body and can't stop my tears falling down.
just going out from that place and also, from his life.
boy:
I keep thinking.
am i going to that place?
am i going to keep that promise?
am i going to tell her the truth?
I can't hide from the truth
I can't see her crying.
but also, i can't let the wind make her cold
and i can't makes her waiting any longer if she is.
Even if I hope she know that i will break the promise
and going back to her home.
i never feel this way.
i never feel that someday, a girl will affect me with her little things.
and i decided to check whether she is there or not.
walking slowly and hope that she already gone.
But my eyes see her definitely, in a crouch position.
holding her legs and jacket tightly.
My legs are running and my lips saying "stupid" immediately.
Holding her tightly makes me feel her suffer from the cold snow for hours
My feelings are mixed.
feeling happy and sad at the same time.
why is she waiting for me?
am i this important to her?
I lay her down on my own bed.
Wishing that I was given more time to see her everyday.
And i use that time to see how beautiful she is.
Seeing her eyes closed calmly.
Wipe the snows from her baby skin.
Touch her shiny black hair.
and feel her soft lips on my lips.
Morning come and i feel my time will come.
i must wake her up, tell her my reason and let her go.
I open the window, letting the sunlight come in.
Calling her name again and again.
That is the time. She wake up.
I know that she is waiting for my explanation.
But my words i prepared are lost.
I can't see her anymore.
"you neet to go now"
just come out from my lips.
She starts to walk away.
i want to turn her around and hug her.
kiss her for the last time.
but i keep my hand holding tight in their place.
trying hard to fight with my own feelings.
But it suddenly comes
i try to holdback and endure the sickness i feel
i walk to the table with pain in my head
Writing something important with my shaky hand
Seeing my tears soak part of the paper
and when it comes to the last sentence.. i can't stand it anymore
i just grab my phone and call the doctor, waiting for them while suffering from this sickness.
girl:
I hope that he will turn me around
and hug me in his arm
but he is not
doesn't realise that i am going to the park near his house
My foot just walk into that direction without hesitation
that park,
where we had our memories
when we meet for the first time
and when we kiss for the first time
I just sit on a bench
and let my mind goes around
until i heard the sound that i hate..
the sound of ambulance
It comes nearer and nearer.
and i saw the ambulance stop in front of his complex asking the address.
Panic is the first think i feel and that makes my legs running to his house
I just open his door and go inside his room immediately
freezing in my own place. seeing him
laying down on the floor.
I just fall down and crawl to his place
i can hear he try to call my name
i put my ear near his lips
i say "yes. i can hear you" smoothly.
seeing him like this hurt my hearts
He seems cant stand it anymore
I can feel it.
I just stare at the floor and tears falling down while im saying
"dont force yourself to say it if that hurts you. Im forgiving you for all you did. But please hold it until the doctor pick you up and believe that you will stay alive. for me."
He replies "No.. i cant stand it anymore. i have a cancer and this is the end of it. i just want to say i will always love you forever. whenever you are sad, whenever you need me, you can go to that park and i will be right next to you. Please, dont cry anymore okay?"
And i hug him softly, scared that i will hurt him. "noo. you can't be like this. you must think about me. about us. cause i love you... i love you..."
"here.. lay down beside me.."He rub my head slowly and wipe my tears away until he stop doing it.
i stared at him. my tears keep falling down. I reach his hand and make him rub my head. I hold his hand tightly. "please wake up... who is the one that will protect me if you are gone.. who is the one that will love me like you did..."
But, he didn't wake up. and i know he won't wake up...
I just keep right next to him and hug him even after i know that he won't hug me back.
Days passed
i build a wall between me and the world.
I go to his house, into his own bedroom.
seeing the memories we had
and i see a paper on his table..
"Dear Ana,
I dont know if you will read this letter.. Since i makes you waiting for hours in the middle of the night, the last time we met. I am sorry. I know that you feel cold in there. I hope that i can hug you to give you the warm you need. But when you read this letter, maybe i am already gone from the world.
I feel sick since the last year of our relationship. and it cant helped anymore. Doctor said that my time only 10 months more. But i made it more than 11 months. I am strong enough, right?
I wonder how happy are you when you are with me. I keep giving you surprises and happiness for the last year, right? I hope so.. And yesterday, we promise to meet at the park in the middle of the night. But, i keep thinking on how should i tell you. Will you cry or will i make you sad. Will you go away or will you support me.
I dont have much time now. i can't write more but i want to say... You must open your heart to the other. Believe that they are better than me. Don't feel alone and believe that i will always beside you, support you at anything you did. And last, i lov"
it feels hurt. this feelings. i feel sorry. why am i angry to him. i should know this. and he should know.. that i will always support him whenever it is.
I will try.. i will try to open my heart and love other. but i will save part of my heart for you. because i will never forget you in my entire life.
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